Children, punishment, and redemption

Yesterday while reading Superwomans post about her kids I got to thinking about discipline and punishment. Jenny G and Double G were disciplined by G man and me much differently than my father and mother disciplined me and my siblings, and certainly different from the tactics used by my grandparents.

According to my mom, I have no reason to doubt her accuracy of events or her memory, my grandparents, actually my maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother, ruled the house with fear and "spare the rod, spoil the child", "children should be seen and not heard" mentality. My mother said she was beaten with a hair brush by her father for infractions of behavior or poor performance in school. My father was beaten just becasue he was there, with anything my grandmother could get her hands on, (she and my grandfather were both physically abusive to each other, I witnessed the aftermath of their fights as a child) verbally abused, and punished with additional chores if he "faked" an asthma attack.

My parents used physical punishment as well as confinement. The level of frustration my parents were experiencing determined the type of punishment we, the kids, would be receiving. Sometimes it was a slap across the face from my mother other times the belt from my father, or standing in a corner, or banishment to our bedroom until an apology was forth coming from the child committing the behavioral infraction. The banishment to our bedroom was no picnic, we were made to clean until the room sparkled. Clean included the springs in the boxspring part of the mattress (our boxsprings were not enclosed), drawer pulls, window locks and door knobs polished, tops of the door jams dust free, all sorts of crazy clean. If the clean was not up to par, and it usually wasn't, the belt came out. Sometimes the inspection failed 2 or 3 times and we would get the belt again.

G man and I chose to use reasoning with our kids, after they reached an age when words were understood. Prior to that age a smack on the diapered butt was used. For the most part reasoning has worked well with Jenny G and Double G. Time out worked too. Search and destroy missions worked effectively as well during the teenage years. Both our kids and their friends knew why search and destroy missions were made in our home. I never snooped (search and destroy) unless probable cause was presented.

Today as young adults living in my home both Jenny G and Double G, for the most part, follow the few rules we have. My heart is happy that I did not resort to the abusive tactics my grandparents and parents used. Of coarse my kids will have memories of times my temper got the best of me, ( I'm a yeller) but hopefully they will also remember my apologies and the effort made to correct my faults.

I'm thankful to my father for his apology and his wish that if he could go back in time he would change the way he did things. He said he saw how my brothers and I are with our kids and wished he had the sense to be that way with us. I know in my heart my dad regretted every smack of the belt, back handed slap in the face, up against the wall spittle flying red face anger filled word. I saw the sincerity of his apology in his eyes, heard it in his words, and saw it when he was with his grandchildren.

I think that a face to face heart felt, reflective, sincere apology is perhaps the most difficult of punishments.